Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be holding someone when they die?  It's scary! As I hugged my mom and told her I loved her, kissed her on her forehead, she took her last breath. I was there and now had the responsibility of preparing my little sister, her only true daughter for what she missed.  Mom's breathing before she died was so labored, so hard.  She was hurting so much.  I think the prospect of holding on for three more hours was hard for my mom.  Kris asked her if she could hold on for Arlynda, she shook her head no.  A nurse asked her if she could hold on till Arlynda got there, she shook her head no.  She had been fighting for every breath for most of the day.  I had gotten there, she could say goodbye to me, knowing that I love my little sister and would be there for her. I bent down a second time and gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead reminding her that we loved her and would miss her and told her it was alright.  That's when she took her last breath.

She must have been in pain for quite a few days but she wouldn't let on how bad things really were.  She did beg me to come down earlier, but she didn't ever let on that it was because she might not make it till I got there.  She stopped answering her phone and stopped talking to anyone period I should have known.

I am so grateful for the staff at the nursing home where she was at, for not ever letting her be alone.  My older sister made it there when she could.  I just wish I could have been there for her more in the week before she passed.  She did get to visit with her sister's on the day she died. I was grateful for that, because I know it comforted her.

As much as it hurts to not have her here to talk to every Sunday, to call to ask how Dad is doing, to tell her the kids accomplishment, to let Caitlin talk to Grandma and tell her how much she loved and missed her, I'm grateful she is no longer suffering.  It's really empty when we go visit Dad without Mom there.  I never realized how much I would miss her until she was gone.